Moving from Peer to Leader

I’m getting many questions about ways to navigate leading peer groups (either formally or through influence). Founders and leaders in high growth companies face this dynamic, as people in their companies get opportunities to grow and lead. Individuals on distributed teams are getting leadership responsibility, either for projects or for the team itself, and are asking how to best manage this transition. I’ve loved these experiences over my lifetime and have both made my share of mistakes and learned my share of best practices.

Whether it’s going from being a member of a sports team one year to being captain the next, or being a server one day and shift leader the next, or being an engineer or marketer today, then leading the team tomorrow, there are repeated times in our life when this plays out.

It’s also important to think of this dynamic if you are not the person moving to lead, but you are on the team where another peer is elected or chose to lead you. Understanding how to make the most of these opportunities has been super helpful to me over the years.

I was a waitress when I was 18. After a few months of working in this role, the manager asked me to be “shift leader” - which meant I was still a waitress, but now also the person responsible for holding other servers accountable for their closing duties before they let their shift. That involves walking through their section before they leave and making sure tables are cleaned, any extra side duties to restock the stations are complete, etc. The first waitress on our shift that I needed to check out said she was ready to go, but I told her the tables were not cleaned, and I asked her to clean them properly. She challenged me, saying “who are you to tell me what to do - you aren’t perfect yourself”.

This is a fork in the road for new leaders leading peers, and lessons for peers newly being led by peers.

I had a few choices:

1. agree with her, be “cool” and just say, “yeah, all good”, go ahead and leave

2. argue with her on her perception of me and be the “boss” and say “just get it done”

3. acknowledge that I have not been perfect myself, and will do better, and she still needs to clean her tables

Option 3 was my answer, and I have learned that some version of that is almost always the best way to navigate the inevitable friction that happens when the relationship changes from peers to a leadership or supervisory one.

First, any time I’m criticized, I assume first it’s accurate (at least to some degree). That keeps me humble and grounded and able to acknowledge where I might have opportunities to grow while still doing my job as a leader who is expected to manage others.

Next, I remind myself that someone asked, chose, hired, or nominated me to be in this leadership role, and I’m actually letting the team down if I don’t ensure we do our best.

Finally, I acknowledge anything I can (and will) do better and kindly ask that they do their part.

This is humble confidence - I acknowledge I can and will do more or better and still fill my role as a leader or manager.

Sometimes there isn’t outright friction, it’s more likely the odd energy of not being sure what to do differently tomorrow vs. yesterday when in a new role leading peers. There are many answers depending on each situation, but generally, it’s sitting down (or Zooming) 1x1 with each team member to learn about their priorities, things they think tare in their way (that you can help with), and discussing ways you might start to be involved differently. Reassure them that you are there for them, to make them successful, and to learn from them, and help them on their own journey.

This dynamic played out when I was a corporate manager and became VP, and when I was president and became COO over other presidents. It’s only awkward if you give it the space to be, but if you immediately jump into the mindset of service, of helping, and yes, of making decisions that many know need to be made - that combination of humility and confidence will go a long way.

As we grow through life, there are many times when we start leading peers or friends or when they start leading us. It’s an opportunity to make the most of a new relationship, accelerate progress, and drive everyone’s growth.

If you are interested in diving deeper, send me your questions here in the comments or on Twitter or Linked in. If there’s enough energy around it, we can jump on a live chat and discuss this topic in more detail.