Checking In

the power of intention, reflection, and action to be your best and help others do the same

A little preamble for this first post

In a post-pandemic world, we have fewer in-person conferences, coffee meetings, and serendipitous catch-ups. I miss that connection and related opportunities. That motivates me to connect and share with other media and digital tools. This newsletter, Checking In with Kat Cole, is one more step in that journey.

I want to share a bit behind the name of this site and newsletter and to provide a first post of what I hope is super-useful content!

Why the Title, Checking In?

First, I use the phrase…a lot. When I call or text someone I’m thinking about, I often say, “hi…just checking in..thinking of you…how are you?”. I check in with myself, my team, with friends and family. We check in to places as part of a journey. We check in to let loved ones know we’ve arrived. I check in with my husband. It’s a moment, a gesture, a phrase and it’s an action.

Second, I’ve found one of the biggest hacks for getting stronger in many aspects of life is the simple act (and art) of “Checking in”. Through mistakes, wins, personal experiences, and learning from others, this simple act captures a mindset and a process.

Finally, reading, workshops, and experiences aren’t fully impactful unless we decode, digest, and apply lessons. Check-Ins give us space to reflect on how a topic applies to us. They give us varied perspectives. Check-Ins help create a commitment to action that drives micro-improvement: small changes that add up to big moves over time.

So that love of the concept of checking in led me to the name of this newsletter. I’m super happy to be able to check in to this platform and have you do the same, to check in with you, and to share lessons.

Now that you have some background on the newsletter and name, here's little core content for this first post.

I have learned that being our best at work is directly related to being our best at home, and the reverse is true as well. And to do that, we need perspective and feedback and permission to change in all areas of our life.

“Checking in” is one of the techniques I've learned to use across all parts of my life to make the most of where I am and who and what I have. The format for my check-ins is to have the intention and space to reflect on a topic, article, or experience. It can be anywhere, for as little as 5 minutes. Then, I follow the 3 A’s. Ask a question (of yourself or others). Answer it. Act on it. Repeat. It takes humility and curiosity to ask, and courage to answer and act.

My two best practices for "checking in"

1)checking in with myself: "The Hot Shot Rule". I envision a person I admire in my role and challenge myself to see my job through that new person's eyes. I take immediate action on what I realize in that exercise (we’ll dive into this in a future post)

2)checking in with others: This is a great way to get actionable feedback and strengthen relationships. My favorite version is "Monthly Check-Ins" with my husband

I’d love to share my format for those Monthly Check-Ins. A similar set of questions and format is applicable for teams, employees, peers, and other relationships. To give you an example, I’m sharing what my husband and I use:

Quick Start Guide to our Monthly Check-Ins

My husband and I want to show gratitude, honor our relationship, and intentionally grow. We reserve 30-60 min each month on our monthiversary for our ‘check-in'. We review the last 30 days via our calendars, because who remembers last week, much less all month? We then go through our 10 questions.

Each question starts with, "when you look back at the last 30 days, what is…." ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

1. The best thing, event, moment, memory?

2. The worst?

3. One thing I can do differently (more, less, etc.) to be a more effective/better partner for you? We used to ask for only 1 thing, but a few years in, we wanted to get more specific, so we changed it to listing 1 thing to stop, 1 to start, and 1 to continue.

4. Your biggest worry?

5. Your biggest point of pride/brag?

6. Your greatest gratitude?

7. Optional share: What is the thing that I/we spent money/time on that provides the most value /least value

8. Goals check - how can we help each other with goals or interests? Pick 1 or 2, then ask for and offer help 

9. Progress check - What is one thing I have improved and/or not improved (from our check-ins or stated commitments and goals)

10. What is an area we want to improve or focus on with family/our son?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

The goal is to dig deep, be specific and candid, listen and feel, ask clarifying questions, have more discussion if applicable, and grow for each other and ourselves. This DOES NOT take the place of discussing things in real time – it is simply checking in on what stands out most from the last 30 days. I’m happy to go deep into any of these questions in comments or in DMs - so please do ask!

Each quarter we do a deeper dive, which is sometimes a vacation weekend or a ‘staycation' day (which just means getting a babysitter for a few hours). We make time to go through past check-ins, personal and professional goals, family goals and progress, calendars for the next quarter, and make any updated commitments. We also do an annual check-in to wrap up the year and prepare for the next.

We put so much energy into our work and careers because money and jobs are at stake. But what about the much more valuable elements: our relationships, love, and our families? Those things are at stake, too, and deserve reflection, intention, and action. This practice helps us invest time and energy in the things that matter most. My husband and I decided we would have as much (if not more) intention around our relationship and our family as we do around our business. 

57 check-ins, 5 years of quarterly ‘off-sites’, and 4 annual recaps later, the practice has become foundational to our relationship. It builds muscles of communication, humility, and courage that show up in our lives every day. It’s a small effort relative to the huge payback.

As intimidating as feedback can be, I am more afraid of what happens if I don't know and don't change for the better.

Would love to answer questions, hear from you if you have a similar practice, or if you put this to use, tell me how it goes!